Usually one, who is normal, would be sleeping in after a lazy Sunday, into a unforgiving Monday wake up to a new week. However, I is full of nonsensical chatter and blabber. I'm not normal.
I don't think many people were ever was. Everyone has their own story, but not everyone wants to listen to it. Given the right time, mood, and numerous of other self-centered conditions, someone might listen, but if it didn't concern them or reflected a part of them in anyway, they couldn't care less.
Another thing that most people couldn't care less could probably be whether the weather forecast reporter had a story. Just another guy telling you figures and conditions that were only true half the time. How are these two things related?
I don't know, you figure it out. I'm just sifting though my thoughts at random.
Back to "not" sleeping in, more like not sleeping at all, and absentmindedly noticing the night turning into day, I feel . . . fatigued. In all three ways. Physically, mentally and emotionally. The cliché scene of grey clouds drifting along a dull sky, moved by the chilling winds unrelentingly pushing past the lethargic forms of evaporative moisture, bore me.
What doesn't . . . is the sun.
Everyday, this dying star of our seemingly minute milky way, in this expansive universe that we all live in, rises. The same old sun that we see everyday; warm, hot, fuzzy, burning, tanning - bright, shiny, blinding, overwhelming pops up from the horizon.
A new day, a new beginning etc etc. Many of us say these things, following tragic accidents, after break-ups, poor marks in studies or failed exercise regimes, . Regardless of the incident, does one ever realise, what they mean?
A new beginning? To begin what? Did something end? What was it? Did it end properly? Did it end well?
A new day? How does an part-time insomniac like me realise when a new day starts? When the clock strikes 12:00am? Or when the sun rises? Everything seems to fade into each other in these few weeks of the busy life of mine. I know what I'm doing and I know why I'm sitting here now, not sleeping. Nevertheless, I choose to not fall onto my bed to incur a much needed deep slumber, uninterrupted by dreams or facebook.
Why? Memories? Yes. Is there something wrong with my room? Messy. Is your bed comfortable? Yes, but it just reminds me . . .
The train of thoughts that drift to and from revolve more or less there and then onto a million other things. Sleeping pills? No. I do not want to take drugs. I just want to stop thinking for once. I miss those mornings that I could wake up to, feeling refreshed, thoughtless and clear-minded.
No, not anymore, I wake up, with a cup of tea, to sustain my body of deprived of sleep, and browse facebook for status updates and play pool on OMGPOP to pass time. Time that I shouldn't be wasting, but I continue to do. This state of mind, has been coming around too often these days. I thought it was a monthly thing for me. =3
All the time I say change, change change. They happen everyday. Just one step at the time. Yet, I come back to this same odd hours of the morning, grinding the same trivial topic that interrelates through the other philosophical life attributes that you know I "love" to "think" about. A new start from the change of the old ways. Did you get rid of your old ways? Or do they just come back? Habits are a pest. But is the sun a pest too?
Topic jumps seem to be of the now, since my mind has not rested the required 8 hours, but seriously, the sun.
It's the unchanged fiery ball of light that glows onto us everyday. The constant solar power, UV rays and even the same path it traverses.
On the contrary, we take a sun when it rises, as a new day, a new beginning, a new sun.
Why do we say these things? When obviously, the sun is still the same, and you obviously haven't grown 10 inches overnight~ =3
We say these things cause . . .
Why do you think we say these things?
To make ourselves, set forth again? To make ourselves feel better of our past? To really change for the better?
I ask you again.
Why do you think we say these things?
We say these things cause we need something to fall back on if something did not work the first time. It's just another way of looking at your life optimistically specially after a downfall. Basically you're just trying to make your life better or the way you've pictured it hence "a new beginning."
ReplyDeleteFor example one day you'll make a mistake, the next day ("a new day")you'll try to fix it until its in working order. If it cannot be fixed, you pretty much gotta move on and find your next project to keep your mind off the previous one. (I don't know if I'm making any sense here)
If you're still stuck... you've got to ask yourself this... Is it worth worrying about the past when you're focused on the now and the future?
Changing for the better...now that's tough lol. Some people can do it some can't. It really depends on the person and if they have the willpower to keep track of their now/future plans and positive attitudes. You can have the sweetest person in the world but if they give into temptation of greed and power, it can get the better of them.
But anyway, just keep your head high Jeff, you're probably going through a lot of rough patches right now but in the end you will get through them =]...cause...
Life is just a big maze, there are dead ends and then there's your desired destination. If you keep on hitting dead ends don't be discouraged, the path of your destination is just around the corner.
Hope this isn't too long for you haha :P
Nothing is too long for me~ hahahaha
ReplyDeleteThat's what she said XD
LOL
ReplyDeleteI was actually gonna put
"Hope this isn't too long for you "- that's what he said
but I'm like naaaah I shouldn't...but here comes you with your that's whaaaat sheeee saiddd :P hahaha